Pinheads and Patriots by Bill O'Reilly

Author:Bill O'Reilly
Language: eng
Format: epub, mobi
Publisher: HarperCollins
Published: 2010-03-26T16:00:00+00:00

ATTITUDES: OUTRAGEOUS

By Bill O’Reilly

Good morning, class, welcome to Political Science 203. My name is Dr. Landleft and all I have to say is, “Power to the people.”

This semester’s work will be very interesting providing you have the right attitude. I know there is some talk around campus to the effect that I do not give an objective course. This talk was obviously started by some disturbed fascists and it definitely has racist overtones, as I’m sure you can all see.

Well, to dispel all of my critics, I have decided to assign readings concerning both the Left and the Right. The first two books, which will be read by tomorrow, are the “Agony of the New Left,” by Fidel Castro and “Danger on the Right,” by Gore Vidal.

Hey, I just thought of a joke. If Fidel Castro married Gore Vidal he’d be—Fidel Vidal!

I just noticed that a few of the slower ones in the class did not laugh at that joke. Well, I have your names, you can be sure of that. Don’t misunderstand me, you are under no obligation to laugh at my jokes or say yes to everything I say. You are all free to dissent—no matter how misguided and immature that dissent may be. I like people to dissent. As you know, I’m a revolutionary myself. But keep in mind who has the power here.

“The people, right, Dr. Landleft?”

Er, yes. Who said that? Oh, the black lad, very good, very good. I bet you had a hard time growing up in the ghetto with the FBI always hounding your parents?

“Not really, Doctor. My father is a detective.”

Oh, well, you can be sure you’ll be treated equally in this class. In fact, you get an A.

Well, class, let’s get back to the subject. What is it again? Oh, yes, Political Science. As you all know, Spiro and the CIA are all around us and closing in fast. Perhaps we might have to take to the streets.

“Dr. Landleft, I have a question.”

Oh, my God. Well, go ahead.

“Why is it that communistic regimes always wind up as repressive states?”

“That question is not relevant, it’s the kind of question that only a neo-Nazi would ask. Besides, it’s off-topic and we must always stay on-topic.”

“Dr. Landleft, I think that question pertains to Political Science.”

“I decide what pertains to the subject around here. My class is liberal but I must have some control, right? Of course, I’m right. Let me throw this out for discussion: We all know that here in racist Amerika, notice that I spell the country with a K instead of a C. Isn’t that right on? Anyway, what do you think can be done to overthrow the present government? Yes, that student.”

“I don’t think we ought to overthrow the government, Dr. Landleft.”

“Wrong! Someone else? Yes, the longhaired student wearing that ‘put the pigs in the pen’ button.”

“Uh, I really didn’t hear your question, I wasn’t listening.”

“Exactly. The whole class could take a lesson from that student.”

Download

Copyright Disclaimer:
This site does not store any files on its server. We only index and link to content provided by other sites. Please contact the content providers to delete copyright contents if any and email us, we'll remove relevant links or contents immediately.